Sure, stable, lasting love exists. But those first-date butterflies will only take you so far. This can make it harder to leave a relationship that still provides a sense of family, friendship, stability, and safety. But staying in a relationship without romantic love may lead to a desire to experience love again and motivate infidelity.
Simply having an opportunity to cheat can make infidelity more likely. Other factors often but not always add to the motivation to cheat.
You might not choose to cheat if only one or two factors were involved. But this combination of motivating factors — the distance in your relationship, your feelings about your appearance, the attention of your coworker — can make infidelity more likely.
People who have a hard time with commitment may be more likely to cheat in some cases. In this case, one partner might end up cheating as a way of avoiding commitment, even if they actually would prefer to stay in the relationship. Many people choose to stay in the relationship, often hoping things will improve, especially if the relationship is otherwise fulfilling.
This can provide motivation to get those needs met elsewhere. Unmet emotional needs can also motivate infidelity. Emotional infidelity can be tricky to define, but it generally refers to a situation where someone invest a lot of emotional energy in someone besides their partner. This can lead to an intimate connection that resembles a relationship. A simple desire to have sex can motivate some people to cheat.
But someone who wants to have sex might also look for opportunities to do so without any other motivators. Even people who have sexually fulfilling relationships might still want to have more sex with other people. This might result from a high level of sexual desire, not necessarily any sexual or intimate issues in the relationship. In the context of a relationship, the desire for variety often relates to sex.
Attraction is another big part of variety. Some people in monogamous relationships might have a hard time not acting on those feelings of attraction. Having sex with a new person can lead to positive feelings. You might feel empowered, attractive, confident, or successful. Many of these behaviors might apply to people of all genders, but they can definitely be relevant to men. Although people of all genders might do cheat for this reason, Birkel explains that men may be less likely to have difficult conversations with their partner about their own needs and the relationship.
If they're looking for a way out, they may see cheating as a means to an end. Despite what gender norms may tell us about men, cheating doesn't always happen for purely physical reasons. If they're feeling unseen or disconnected from their partner, Page says, "those things hurt and make us go into a zone where we protect ourselves," adding, "when this happens a lot over time, the impulse to think about sex with other people goes up significantly.
And generally speaking, men are "much less likely to have a good social support system" as far as close male friends, Birkel says. In those instances, the compassion and support from another woman in his life may be very welcome. If a partner has cheated, there could be sociopathic tendencies or narcissistic traits involved. Birkel adds that often, when an opportunity to cheat presents itself, "There are certain people who don't have a good ability to be understanding of other people's emotions or the impact of their behavior on other people—narcissistic qualities.
Notably, most people have some level of narcissistic behaviors, and not every person with narcissistic behaviors is a full-blown narcissist with narcissistic personality disorder. The same can be said for sociopathy, aka antisocial personality disorder. Some people act out and cheat out of anger, jealousy, or a desire for revenge, says Birkel.
Even if their partner hasn't cheated on them, if they've done something to upset their partner i. If one partner is dealing with a substance abuse problem, instances of cheating may become much more likely.
Similarly, Page says depression and anxiety can also increase that impulse-driven behavior, because "if depression and anxiety are intense, it can really exacerbate the need to get relief—and relief can often come in the form of someone really attractive outside the relationship. Feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem can also drive someone to cheat, particularly if they're not getting that validation in their own relationship, Page and Birkel note.
He adds that sexual issues such as erectile dysfunction can also drive someone to "look for someone newer and more exciting to prove to themselves that they're still sexual potent and capable. In some cases, cheating can be the result of one partner denying their own sexual or gender identity. Someone may be struggling with accepting they are gay or bisexual, and "they want to experiment, want to explore," Page says.
And you desire to explore sex as well as identity around that because it's a hidden part of yourself. Lastly, Birkel and Page both agree that many of these reasons fall under the category of emotional immaturity. According to Page, it often comes down to simply "poor judgment, lack of willpower, lack of self-control, and immaturity. There is no right or wrong answer to this, as the truth is, it's different for every couple. That's why it's a good conversation to get out of the way early in a relationship.
Particularly nowadays, with polyamory, open relationships , and other approaches to dating becoming more common, along with the prevalence of porn and social media, every relationship will have different things they are OK—and definitely not OK—with. What's most important is that one partner doesn't override the other person's needs and feelings around this.
He adds that men generally have a lower tolerance for sexual infidelity than emotional, whereas women are much more negatively affected by a partner who's emotionally cheating. Again, it's a conversation that should be had sooner than later. In general, though, when it comes to cheating, Birkel says secrecy is often involved —and guilt. That's a really good clue it's something that's verging on cheating," he says, along with "any time you're feeling guilty about something you're doing.
The following signs are by no means absolute indicators your partner is cheating. However, if a number of these signs from Birkel and Page are present, you may have a case of infidelity on your hands. How couples handle instances of cheating is completely personal. Some people are unable to accept the break in trust, and others are willing to work through it.
Research shows people who cheated on a partner in a previous relationship are three times more likely to cheat in a future relationship, Page notes. It can take years, and likely outside help from a sex or couples' therapist , for a relationship to recover from an affair, but it is possible if both partners are willing to do the work. And that's really the most important thing. I believe men cheat because men live to make their women happy , and when they no longer feel that they are succeeding, they seek a new woman that they can make happy.
In my experience, people cheat because something is missing. A core emotional element that a person needs that is not being met. Either from within the relationship, which is more common, and someone comes along that fills that need. This is why somewhy men cheat. This can come in many different forms, of course, based on the individual. Others may feel devalued if their partners stop having regular sex with them.
Or if their partners seem too busy with life, household, children, work, etc to prioritize them. But underlying all of that is a sense that the man does not matter, that he is not valued and that his partner no longer appreciates him. Why men cheat is because of their inability to emotionally connect to their wounded inner child who is searching to be nurtured and affirmed that they are enough and deserving of being loved simply due to their inherent worth and preciousness.
Since they struggle with this concept of worthiness they continuously chase an unattainable goal and move from one person to the next. I do not think that there is a common reason for why men cheat because everyone is unique and their situation is unique. What happens in marriages to cause problems, such as an affair, is that people feel emotionally disconnected from their partner and do not know how to get their needs met in a healthy manner so they look for other ways to fulfill themselves.
Why men cheat is because they lack the very feeling that drew them into the long term relationship they are in. The feeling of being adored, admired, and desired is the romantic cocktail that feels so intoxicating. People, not just men, by the way, miss this short and intense phase. This feeling, which plays upon self-esteem and early attachment deprivation, counteracts all insecurity and self-doubt.
It gets deeply rooted in the psyche and lives there waiting to be reactivated. While a long term partner can provide other important feelings, it is nearly impossible to replicate this original insatiable desire. Along comes a stranger, who may immediately activate this feeling.
Temptation in full swing can hit hard, especially when one is not being elevated by his partner on a regular basis. There are no simple answers to this question as to why men cheat because each man has his own reasons and each circumstance is different.
Also, there certainly are differences between a man who gets caught up in multiple affairs, porn addiction, cyber affairs, or sleeping with prostitutes and a man who falls in love with his co-worker. The reasons for sex addiction are embedded in trauma, while often men who have single affairs cite a lack of something they need in their primary relationships.
Women get busy, running the household, working at our own careers, and rearing the children. At home, men report that they often feel neglected and taken for granted. In that state of loneliness, they become susceptible to the attention and adoration of someone new. At work, they are looked up to, feel powerful and worthy and may cultivate a relationship with a woman who notices that.
Why men cheat is because our modern focus on the romantic ideal is practically a setup for infidelity. When a relationship inevitably loses its initial luster, it is not uncommon to long for the passion, sexual thrill, and idealized connection with another that was present when it began. Those who understand and trust the evolution of love that exists in a truly committed relationship will rarely find themselves tempted to cheat. The common reason why men cheat is to seek novelty. The common reason women cheat is because of frustrations in their relationship.
These pieces of useful advice will help women identify the reasons why men cheat and perhaps give them some insight into how men think and what they can do to prevent them from cheating. Take Course. Marriage Advice. Marriage Quizzes Marriage Quotes Videos. Find a Therapist. Search for therapist. All Rights Reserved.
By Rachael Pace , Expert Blogger. Share on Facebook. Share on Twitter. Share on Pintrest. Share on Whatsapp. In This Article. Pastoral Counselor. Family Therapist. D Psychoanalyst. Share this article on Share on Facebook. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Rachael Pace Expert Blogger. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays.
Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them.
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